I don’t know what to write about, I just have to.
Huh, well… I’m going through hard times. For those who believe (like me :D), there’s something called Astral Hell. Its mostly like that: your energies go down during the whole month before your birthday and, since I was born in March 20th, February is always a bad time for me.
I stepped on dog poop like… 5 times, and the month is only starting. My PMS is being so mean to me, and I’m more in need of love than ever. My days have been boring, I’ve been down… And I might do stupid things in the middle of that, like deceiving people just because I want them in certain moments (something like “I love you… :) Now I don’t love you anymore. Ok?).
After some time… I stop liking the person. õ_õ I might need to make some tests about it LOL, but thats how it usually goes. And… I don’t know. I’ve met someone I really might like. Or not. I don’t know if I like him or its just a quick crush. And I don’t really want to get disappointed at my feelings AGAIN.
I guess that’s all I have to talk about… But I want to write more. ): I still don’t feel okay.
I’ve been thinking about possibilities. It’ll be probably IMPOSSIBLE to find the guy of my dreams. Someone pretty, who’s not sticky, who will never make me sad, and I’ll never get tired of him. Yeah, that’s probably possible. Maybe 30 years in the future - and I won’t wait for it without doing anything.
But… I feel empty. I feel like I expect too much from my future, like “WILL WE HAVE A PRETTY RELATIONSHIP AND I WILL LOVE HIM SO SO SO MUCH? <3 OH I HOPE WE DO, I’LL ALWAYS BE IN LOVE WITH HIM AND~” … But it never happens.
There’s also the “Appearance problem”… It seems I can’t be REALLY in love with someone unless I think “OMG HE IS SO CUTE” or at least “Oh, I really like his face… <3”. Something MUST keep me attached to that person, or else I’ll just… Stop loving him.
Or that’s how I feel like.
Ok, that’s enough. Thank you for reading, if you did. :) LOL